I Remember 9/11...

I can't tell you what I ate for breakfast this morning, I always miss my best friend's birthday, and I can never leave the house without forgetting something important behind. 

My parents would always tell me they remember what they were doing when they heard the news about JFK, and ten years later, I am not surprised that I remember every grimacing detail about September 11, 2001. 

I was a 15 year old sophomore at Emerson High School in Gary, IN taking the GQE (the required Graduating Qualifying Exam) sitting front row center with my approved No. 2 pencils ready. I was wearing my favorite red tank top that had a faded scripted "Cowgirl" on the front with bronze rustic looking stones outlining the tank top's straps. Along with my favorite shirt, I wore my favorite sized 12/14 dark faded jeans with the red stitching and red sandals. I always thought that looking your best for test day would result in, well, good results. 

During GQE testing, students are required to stay in a classroom undisturbed for hours. We tested non-stop from 8am -12noon. 

As soon as our moderator opened the doors releasing us for lunch, an eerie feeling swept the hallways. I had no idea what was going on but fear settled in my stomach as I passed my open classroom doors with teachers huddled around tiny tv's whispering, shaking the heads, and covering their mouths in awe. What was going on?

"...terrorist attacked New York...war"

"The World Trade...."

"...they're coming for Chicago..."

I picked up phrases here and there but still had no idea what was going on. All I knew for sure in my 15 year old brain that something really bad had happened and America no longer felt like a safe place to be. 

Blame my social studies class, but I had no idea what or where The World Trade Centers was, why the existed, or why anybody would want to blow them up. 

Well, the day went on and the awkwardness of being left out of the news loop only made me more paranoid because the only sources I could rely on was my 15 year old peers who were equally if not more ignorant then me about the situation. 

I road home on the bus in fear that it was going to blow up. I walked home from the bus stop in fear that Chicago was going to be attacked with some "nuclear weapon of mass destruction" (a term I picked up that day) and cause radiation to seep into the pores of Gary, Indiana residents. 

Finally when I got home, to ease my worries, I flipped on the TV. Cartoons will do the trick. However, every channel was filled with horrible images of one plane hitting one tower and a second plane hitting the other tower, and a third plane in a heap in a field. My fears were confirmed. America was attacked and I was very scared. Rumors of America at war flung across the breaking news screen of every new channel. I fixed a snack in fear. I got ready for bed in fear. I went to sleep in fear. I woke up scared. 

10 years later, I am no longer fearful but there is definitely a sense of "Post 9/11 Anything Can Happen At Anytime" feeling that nobody talks about but we all walk around with. My heart goes out to all the people who lost friends, families, and co-workers. My heart goes out to all the 15 year old who had to grow up without their parents.  

Lisa B. 

www.TheLisaBExperience.com

www.youtube.com/lisabpoetry